Change the way you look at people and Life. Fundamentally, it is NOT
necessary that all people should understand you.
Don’t
expect people to understand you, appreciate you or accept you. Chances are they
won’t. And know that it is perfectly fine for them to be that way. A large part
of our emotional stress comes when we crave for understanding, appreciation and
acceptance. When we offer an opinion or perspective, at home, at work,
wherever, we believe it to be a given that our point of view must be understood. In fact, we demand it. We also expect it and
feel good when people appreciate our efforts__from something as immaterial as
plain praise to a sense of gratitude that people display for actions we may
have taken in their interest. And, of course, everyone wants to be recognized
and treated with respect and dignity__a social acceptance of sorts__by everyone
else. When these expectations are not met, we feel let down. We grieve. And we
carry the heavy burden of a certain longing, a sorrow, of a misplaced craving.
There’s a way to set down this burden. Approach people with the
awareness that just as you are entitled to your opinion, others are too.
Second, have NO expectations from people. You do your part in a relationship
well and live with that satisfaction. Don’t expect appreciation or acceptance.
Simple. This attitude helps in keeping everyday living uncomplicated and peaceful.
Because peace in daily Life is the biggest casualty in the wake of such
expectation.
There’s a story from the Life of Adi Sankara (788 CE ~ 820 CE) that
I remember. Adi Sankara was always clad in a loin cloth or a dhoti at best. One
day a few urchins on the street that he was passing through, who did not know
who he was, pelted stones at him and chided him for being “poor” and “robe-less”.
Adi Sankara’s disciples were angry and set out to admonish the young boys on
the street. But Sankara stopped them and asked them to carry on. One of the
disciples was furious that his Master be abused like this and secondly he
simply could not comprehend why his Master advocated restraint when all that
the boys needed was a sound thrashing. So he asked his Master to explain why he
choose to ignore the barbs and the stones. Sankara replied: “To pelt stones at
anyone and call people names is the privilege of those young boys and they have
exercised it. To accept their stones and barbs or not is our privilege. I have
exercised our right not to accept that privilege by choosing not to react and
to simply move on!”
Beautiful isn’t it? If we can cultivate this attitude and embed it
in the way we approach everyday Life, our inner peace will never get disturbed.
This attitude also comes in handy when people accuse you of being hypocritical.
I am sometimes asked if I ‘really practice all that I preach’? And at some
other times I am told that what ‘I preach’ is NOT ‘applicable in practical
everyday Life’. I don’t react. I simply smile and move on. Because I have
learnt to have no expectations of understanding, appreciation and acceptance
from people. Also, in reality, what I do here, through my daily posts, is to share
my learnings from my experiments and experiences with everyday living. I don’t
preach. I share in the belief that what worked for me, may help validate
someone else’s experience or clarify a point of view in them or, if they choose
to disagree with my view, will at least help them be clear about what they don’t
want to or must not do in Life! So, what’s the point countering a charge of
hypocrisy? People believe people are hypocritical because they don’t believe
people in the first place. This is particularly true when people are being
judgmental and call someone a hypocrite without wanting to know the full story.
And that brings us back to the subject of understanding – or the lack of it in
everyday Life! So, the best way to live in peace is to
appreciate and accept people for who they are – than for what they say – and to
not expect anything from anyone.
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